The story continues ...

In early 2012 Jane stopped work to go back to university and Bec had a baby.  Then to make things even harder I had to learn to work with a new facilitator, Matthew Wilson.

Matt was very different at first, but our collaboration soon bloomed.

You need to understand that there has to be trust between the two people working together.  You need to understand that I am really in control - that the words are mine - but with some facilitators it is easy to get the words out.  Matt is one of those.  I have found Matt to be the best facilitator so far.

The good thing about Matt is that he is a young male.  This was the first time I had worked with a man near to my age.  You need to have someone who you can talk to who will understand.

By the end of our first session I was able to key:

You can help please by making me do this work with you.  Writing work puts my body under the worst stress but strangely soothes my mind.

Two weeks later I wrote my first song with Matt.  The words were about how I was feeling at the time.  This is what I wrote:

The Man

I’ve got the thoughts of the day floating through my mind,

building me up to be the man I want to be.

I’ve got the rays of the sun poking through the clouds,

teasing me to come outside and be the man I want to be.

The day has come, I want to run and feel and laugh that I am free.

Free to run and be the one that we all want to see.

How can some deny the plan, based on rumours that the man

Would not achieve these things.

Well here I am standing my stand.

See now, I’m free.

(Written 26 March 2012)

Then, very much to my surprise, the next song - "Flagship" - was put to music by Matt's brother Jono and the band "Banana Nightmare".  The song was played on local radio and at a conference.  These are my words for "Flagship" and below is Banana Nightmare's song of it with a slideshow put together by Jono.

Flagship

Hunger never takes its love away, never for a single day.
Haunting caverns of my mind, scaring me just what it finds.

     So the flagship rolls on by, watching the days as children cry.
     So the flagship rolls on in, watching the sinners sin.

Longing evenings alone on the rock, wishing that your golden boy talks.
The feature list is about to be played, for all the world to finally be dazed.

     (Flagship chorus)

I want to gasp the cold air in my lungs, feeling the sense of songs to be sung.
Touch on my skin ain’t supposed to cause pain, but your touch does it again and again.

     (Flagship chorus)

I wonder how the chore began, of making lights appear in sand.
Lighting the way for the damned trip, that life coined.  The flagship.

(Written 23 April 2012)

Jono and Banana Nightmare also put together a demo tape of my next song, "Senses".  They did not use all my words but I hope you still like it.  These are the words I wrote and the shortened tape.

Senses

Green yellow red and blue,

the colours sneak past, the colours sneak through.

Trickling through the fingers, trickling through my hand,

trickling everywhere like liquid sand.

Pushing on my eyes I’m in control of my hands

to initiate the haze of the multicoloured bands.

Pushing on the edge of the feeling within,

try to stop the surge from making me spin.
      

     (Chorus)

     Watch out he said I’m losin’ my head.
     All the sense has gone - about to end up chrome.

     Better move yourself out of the way
     ‘cos he’s losin’ it todayayay.

I can feel my skin touching onto your hand

like a thousand jolts of power man you don’t understand.

I can feel the wind coming from a mile away

as I crash into it feeling like a manta ray.

The sky is a land based on the reflection of light -

a thousand different molecules playing round with my sight.

     (Chorus)

Rumble in my body causing moving inner pain.

It’s enough to make the smartest on the block feel insane.

Got to move my body, got to move my feet,

Got to feel the rocking to the stomp of the beat

     (Chorus)

Really want the simple sounds to sing to my heart

But the sound in my head's just tearing me apart.

Dampen down the sound on its way through my ears

but it amplifies and it screeches, igniting my fears.

     (Chorus)

(Written 30 April 2013)

Having someone put my words to music meant a lot to me and I thank Jono and Steven.  Check out their new band - "Fishing for Neutrinos".